Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Some Days Are Hard

When I started this blog, I decided that I was not going to post about anything too personal, but sometimes a person just needs to vent.  I am a mother through biology and through adoption.  This has been an amazing blessing and has taught me a lot about who I truly am.

It is hard sometimes to remember that my adopted child is not the same as my biological ones.  My bio children have never laid in their crib hungry.  They have never been passed to 5 different homes in 2 years.  They have never had to wonder who their parents are, or why they left them.  They look at me and feel a secure attachment. 

Attachment for an adopted child is not always a simple thing.  For some it comes easily, but for others, it is a fight. Infants who have been abandoned by their birth parents and placed in an orphanage where they receive inconsistent care are especially susceptible to attachment disorder because they never had an opportunity to attach to someone. Children with interrupted attachment have learned to trust only themselves. They believe that adults will not be there to take care of them. They have built defensive walls.  It seems like there is a constant tug-of war going on inside of them.  As much as they might want to engage in reciprocal relationships, they can't.  I have to remind myself of this last sentence at least once or twice every week.  You see... I forget about that sometimes. I forget, not because I don't love her, but rather because I do. I know the way I feel. I know my love is forever. I know that I will keep doing what I need to do to help her grow up to feel secure but some days are hard!   I hope in time it will get easier for her, but for now, running away barefoot in the snow is easier than trusting in my love.   

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